CALL ANY VEGETABLE CALL IT BY NAME
  CALL ONE TODAY WHEN YOU GET OFF THE TRAIN
  CALL ANY VEGETABLE AND THE CHANCES ARE GOOD
  THAT THE VEGETABLE WILL RESPOND TO YOU
  
  (SOME PEOPLE DON'T GO FOR PRUNES... I DON'T KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS FOUND THAT IF THEY...)
  
  CALL ANY VEGETABLE PICK UP YOUR PHONE
  THINK OF A VEGETABLE LONELY AT HOME
  CALL ANY VEGETABLE AND THE CHANCES ARE GOOD
  THAT A VEGETABLE WILL RESPOND TO YOU
  
  RUTABAGA, RUTABAGA,
  RUTABAGA, RUTABAGA,
  RUTABAY-Y-Y-Y...
  (A PRUNE ISN'T REALLY A VEGETABLE... CABBAGE IS A VEGETABLE...)
  
  NO ONE WILL KNOW
  IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LET THEM KNOW
  NO ONE WILL KNOW
  'LESS IT'S YOU THAT MIGHT TELL THEM SO
  
  CALL AND THEY'LL COME TO YOU
  SMILING AND COVERED WITH DEW
  VEGETABLES DREAM, VEGETABLES DREAM,
  VEGETABLES DREAM, OF RESPONDING TO YOU
  STANDING THERE SHINY AND PROUD BY YOUR SIDE
  HOLDING YOUR JOINT WHILE THE NEIGHBORS DECIDE
  WHY IS A VEGETABLE SOMETHING TO HIDE? A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T BOTHER ABOUT THEIR FRIENDS IN THE VEGETABLE KINGDOM. THEY THINK: OH, AH, WHAT CAN I SAY? WHAT CAN A PERSON LIKE MYSELF SAY TO A VEGETABLE? BUT THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE, MY FRIENDS: JUST CALL, AND TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT MUFFINS... PUMPKINS... WAX PAPER... CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS... GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL... AND SOON, A NEW RAPPORT... YOU AND YOUR NEW LITTLE GREEN AND YELLOW BUDDIES, GROOVING TOGETHER... OH NO! MAINTAINING YOUR COOLNESS TOGETHER! WORSHIPPING TOGETHER IN THE CHURCH OF YOUR CHOICE... (ONLY IN AMERICA...)
  
  CALL ANY VEGETABLE CALL IT BY NAME
  YOU GOTTA CALL ONE TODAY
  WHEN YOU GET OFF THE TRAIN
  CALL ANY VEGETABLE
  AND THE CHANCES ARE GOOD
  WOW! THAT THE VEGETABLE WILL RESPOND TO YOU!
  
  OH NO! CAN YOU SEE THEM RESPONDING?
  THE PUMPKIN IS BREATHING HARD...H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H--H--H--H--H--H--H--H--H--H--H--H--H!
  (WHAT A PUMPKIN!)